Easter marks an important point in my life. It is the last time I ever went to church. That was 10 years ago.
I was looking, one last time, desperately, for a joyous and loving god and a celebration of spirit. I thought Easter would be the perfect time to find that. Instead, I sat through sermons and hymn after hymn of doleful criticism regarding my sinful status as a human being.
I tried, I really tried, to find the joy and love in that church service, but I couldn't. I could barely sit though the entire thing, my heart sinking at every mention of how I was sinful and unworthy. After the service, I sat in my car in the parking lot and cried and cried.
This year, Easter marks another anniversary for me: I have been a practicing pagan now for 10 years. The day after that last Easter service was a huge turning point in my life; I left Christianity behind and began to explore paganism. And there I found the spiritual path I was looking for. In finding a spiritual path that I connect with, I've also found the best parts of myself. It's been a long road and I've learned so much about myself and the Divine. And I continue to learn and grow.
Sometimes I think about that young woman sitting in her car, crying her heart out, and I feel all her pain, loss and bewilderment again. I feel so bad for her. Yet I know that had she not had that devastating experience, she would never have had the courage to question her spiritual path and explore other choices. So in another sense, I am grateful for that very sad day. I am thankful for all the wisdom, joy, empowerment and beauty that it lead to in the following years.
It is hard to believe its been a decade already...
2 days ago