Saturday, April 18, 2009

A Little Dread

So I started FT hours at work again this past week. And I'm just nerdy enough to really love my job, but all the same I've been feeling a little bit of dread. Because I know in the past that the longer I work FT hours, the more exhausted I become because of FMS/CFS.

And as I become more and more exhausted I begin to shut down. It doesn't take long for me to get to the point where I'm so tired when I get home that I barely have the energy to make and eat dinner before going to bed. I go to bed earlier and earlier each night so that I can get enough sleep to make it through the next day. I only worked 2 days last week and slept 14 hours last night and still woke up tired today. People who know nothing about Fibromyalgia and Chronic Fatigue Syndrome will tell me, oh, it'll get better as you get used to it. Unfortunately, it doesn't work that way.

Its my creativity that really suffers. That's what I dread; becoming so fatigued that I'm unable to do anything creative. Being creative is my joy and I don't want to become so exhausted that I'm unable to do what I enjoy. Even if its accomplishing just one thing, I want to spend at least a little bit of time being creative every day.

With that in mind, on Thursday night I strung a necklace and a pair of earrings. Friday I sanded some pendants. Today I made two necklaces and a pair of earrings. I need to put finishing touches on my Hero & Shadow panels and get them photographed tomorrow. I have ideas for more pendants I want to try, plus more ideas for mosaic pieces. I may not be able to accomplish much on weeknights, but I hope to really shine creatively on the weekends.

So that's my goal, a little something creative every day, and hopefully I'll find that manageable as well as fulfilling while I'm back working FT.


AutumnZ said...

Working full time is excellent for our bank account, but not so good for my overall well being. I find that I get so stingy with my personal time that I hardly sleep at all; the only time I get to myself is when the kids are asleep and Chris is at work (3rd shift) so I revel in midnights and 3 AMs.

sukigirl said...

I think you're smart to put getting enough sleep as your first priority. As you say you can sneak in little moments of creativity during the week. You can do a lot of creative thinking (I call it daydreaming) during that time, which can be relaxing and productive without taking away your limited energy reserves.

Working FT might force you into a different creative way of thinking that might bring exciting, new ideas...hugs

amy said...

I hope you are able to get some kind of balance going for your life. Maybe you could do something during a lunch break? Your beading can pack up and you can do some jewelry while having lunch?

intothedawn said...

AUTUMN Z~ I hear ya! Love the $$$, but not the lifestyle change so much. I'm normally a night owl, that's when I seem to do my best creative work, but unfortunately can't indulge in that while I'm working, too. Hence, my plan B.

SUKIGIRL~ Yes, I'm hoping this challenge will stretch my creative and problem-solving boundaries. I may need to start sketching ideas during the week and do the work on weekends? That might work well.

AMY~ I've thought about taking projects with me to work... unfortunately we have only a 1/2 hour lunch which is a real rush, but maybe on breaks I could sneak some creativity in. Thanks for the suggestion!

Genie Sea said...

You are doing so spectacularly with the challenges you face! You are pacing yourself without depriving yourself. You rock woman :)

intothedawn said...

GENIE SEA~ Thanks, girlfriend! I'm working it, I gotta!

Nydia said...

I'm so sorry for this, Turtle... It's amazing that even going through all this, you manage to be creative and work daily on your gorgeous pieces. Sending positive vibes, my friend.

Kisses from us.

Cynthia said...

Oh, you are so brave. My manic/depression will engage if I add stress to it. I am having to look for a job and I am very apprehensive. So I know what you are talking about. I finally finding a creative groove.

Once it starts, it is hard to pull back from the brink, and it can sap all your strength --

Aren't I the voice of positivity?? I just know how hard this will be for you and commiserate.

Do what you have to, but you are too talented, polymer seems like such an extension of you -- I can't see you ever not creating. :)

((hugs)) honey -- take good care of you

Deborah Longworth said...

Hi, I just came acrossed your blog tonight or should I say early morning while I was doing a pin on pininterest. I was looking online first of all for Tarot, Pagan, and polymer clay, jewelery designs and your blog came up a few times, so in my way of thinking I take that as a sign lol, so anyway I started looking through your blog and noticed your Title of Fibromyalgia, wow..I too have Fibro, and Trigeminal Neuralgia...I suffer so much from both that I no longer work and have found so much happiness in making jewelry and working with polymer clay..I have been along time user of Tarot Cards and have had Psychic ability since a young girl..anyway thought I would touch base and leave a little note, I started a blog tonight, not sure what the heck I'm doing but Im sure Ill learn, feel free to message me if you like, its nice to know someone who has Fibro and who understands what you go thru, not many people do..take care for know..Deborah < name is Lasting Impressions