This morning while writing my Morning Pages, I realized that the question, "What makes you feel safe?" had me absolutely bamboozled. Holy crap, I had no idea what makes me feel safe.
First, the OCD list: having a plan, feeling in control, feeling like I'm organized, CLEANING. Over the past couple of years I've realized that when my sense of security feels threatened, I clean. Usually the kitchen.
Then, the rational list: knowing I have food & shelter. Enough money to pay the bills. Having heat, water, a comfortable bed to sleep in. Stuff like that.
Finally I got down to it. Books. Books are safe place. They have always made me feel safe. Love the feel of books, the smell of books. I don't mind reading favorite books over and over again, they are like old friends. They are an escape to another time and place. Books welcome me, have always been there for me, they are unconditionally loving friends.
So are cats. I've always had a cat in my life, except for when I was in college, living in the dorms & apartments that didn't allow pets. I hated that. When we moved to Colorado, I made sure our apartment allowed cats. And then we adopted our sweet Claire, and later our Moose-man. Kitties are such good friends. They are warm and soft, they are loving and trusting (once you earn it!); nothing is more calming and creates a feeling of safety & comfort than having a kitty cuddled in your lap, purring away. Kitties are also unconditionally loving friends.
The last item I came up with is rather strange-- it's color. Yes, color! Glorious color. Color makes me feel safe. No white walls for me. I love to surround myself with color. My "studio" (craft room) is purple, my bedroom is filled with spring green and yellow, my living room accented with lots of hunter green. Surrounding myself with color creates a safe, cozy, atmosphere.
And I realized, maybe this love affair with color is why I love polymer clay so much. It comes in a huge rainbow of colors, colors that can be mixed together to get MORE colors. I can put my hands on these colors, work the clay, make it pliant and smooth, shape it and create with it. Working with the clay is an exercise, a meditation in color; and for me, nothing could be better. Huge lightbulb moment. No wonder I like working with poly clay so much.
So far, my first week with The Artist's Way has been enlightening. Morning pages have not been so bad, I find I rather like the brain dump before I get started with my day. Its like I put all the worrisome chatter that's in my head down on paper and then I can forget about it and move on the the day ahead of me. It feels time-consuming, but so far, doable.
I haven't done my Artist's Date yet, but I do know exactly what I'm going to do for this week, and I'm soooo looking forward to it.
18 hours ago