Thursday, October 15, 2009

Stumbling Along

For the past year or so, I have really been stumbling along my pagan path. There is no doubt about it, I am still a pagan and nothing is going to ever change that-- its in my heart and soul, my bones and blood. But I am really reassessing my path, and not sure where I am headed with my spirituality lately.

I used to be a solitary and all was good. Then I met many other pagans in our thriving community, and I started to do more group oriented rituals and celebrations. Group dynamics, however, are a beast, which is why I'm back to being mainly a solitary again. Sort of. There is potential for a small sisterhood of three-- my lovely Ya-Ya friends... having been burned in the recent past, I am treading carefully. But I do love those two women, so who knows what will happen? I am trying to let the Universe guide me.

In order to reconnect with my path, I started taking Wiccan Spirituality "classes" last month. An opportunity was presented to be able to learn from an elder in the pagan community, a woman I highly respect, and I had to jump at the chance. While I am coming to the conclusion that Wicca is not really my path, I hope to learn a great deal from my teacher; if nothing else, I love having the opportunity to get to know her better! She is a true spiritual beacon of light. And I believe this year of teachings with her will help me reconnect with my pagan path, whatever form of paganism that may be.

Last night's class was a wonderful discussion about connecting with the earth and its cycles, something I've felt disconnected with the past couple of years. But now I realize I'm not as disconnected as I thought, that I am still in tune with the tides. And I have hope that I can nuture that bond so that it is strong again, even stronger than before.

What is best about it all is that I have hope once again. I know I'm not lost, just stumbling around a bit.

3 comments:

Dori said...

You will know your path when it is time. You may be where you are to learn something before you can move further on. Be patient. It happened to me and I am still trying to find out what I want. Blessings

threadsofmagique said...

I've decided that the Spirits will lead you to where you need to be when the time is right (although sometimes it's awfully hard to figure out what they're trying to say). In my case, I was really struggling as a solitary and they led me to a wonderful very eclectic group - everything from Heathen to Wiccan to Buddhist - where I can be comfortable as a Druid, but still benefit from the companionship and support of others.
Keep your eyes and heart open and trust the universe to guide you.
Warmest Blessings.

hidingplainsight said...

I totally understand this. Totally. After initiating I realized that I still really love my solitary practice. What to do, what to do. I finally figured out how many days of the year I spend with my coven, 21 TOPS (sometimes a moon gets connected to a sabbat) plus say, 14 for training. I realized that the other 330 days were all mine to practice anyway I needed to. How freeing!